Things People Need to Stop Asking Me

September 1, 2009

I heard every single one of these questions tonight.

“Which is better, x or y?”

Real answer: I don’t fucking know, eat whatever the fuck you feel like eating. Ten to one you’re not going to order either anyway.

Answer I gave: They’re both good.

“No seriously, which is more popular tonight?

Real answer: Are you fucking kidding me?

Answer I gave: They’re about even.

(on the phone, taking an order) “So, how much is that going to be?”

Real answer: I just wrote this down, I’m not a calculator, and this isn’t Wendy’s. If it were, you wouldn’t be calling in anyway.

Answer I gave: Ahaha, I’m not sure, sorry, I have to do this by hand.

“Can I get (insert item we don’t carry)?”

Real answer: READ THE FUCKING MENU.

Answer I gave: Sorry, we don’t have that.

“How late do you take carryout orders?”

Real answer: Until we close, but that doesn’t mean you should order a bunch of steak dinners and milkshakes ten minutes before we close you dickless wonder.

Answer I gave: Until we close.

(when all the booths are clearly filled) “Do you have any booths?”

Real answer: You’re retarded.

Answer I gave: No, sorry, they’re all full.

(five minutes before close) “Are you guys closed?”

Real answer: Yes.

Answer I gave: No, come on in!

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4 Responses to “Things People Need to Stop Asking Me”

  1. Natalie Says:

    I know exactly what you mean about the booths. People suddenly seem to become blind when they enter a restaurant. I’ve had people refuse perfectly good tables and wait over an hour for a booth, sending me devil eyes the entire time.

    • eternalcarryoutgirl Says:

      It’s mindlessness (something I might write about someday) combined with a sense of entitlement. It’s not a good mix.

  2. PurpleGirl Says:

    I hate it when people ask me that first question. I’m a very picky eater, so there are a lot of things on our menu I think are repulsive–for example, I hate onions, and people are forever asking me “how’s your onion soup?” I’m totally unhelpful, and always say something along the lines of “I hate onions, so I think it sucks.” 🙂

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